my hrt is aching... i dunno, i tot i sorted that out, or have shelved it away.
i cried, for the dunno how many times.... i still cried....
the photo in wallet, i couldnt bear to throw it away, i couldnt dun tink, i couldnt dun look at him.
wat is that kind of feelin? i cant put a feelin to it.
is it becoz i lack of love? i dunno.
shld i lost my memory? will it be better for me? how to lose my memory? is there a medicine for that?
cant believe it, even now.... why would i still cry for someone whu left me for two yrs? am i that stupid to still cry?
why shld i cry for someone whu i noe there wun be any future? or shld i say no more chance?
i didnt cherish it, i lost it, whu can i blame except for me? why do i still have to cry for him? why does all those memories dun go away?
that hole in me, why hasnt it heal? isnt time supposed to heal? how long more, when i can stop cryin?
how come when my mind choose not to cry, but tears still come out of my eyes? how come when my mind wanna forget abt him, he still linger in my hrt?
i realli wanna lose my memory, it is realli hard for me to move on. when my mind and hrt dun tink alike. i am startin to hate myself.... i cant hate him, nor i am in any position to hate him, i dun bear to even hate him....
why am i so stubborn?
why do i still feel the coldness, the emptiness, the ach, the pain? after so long.
have i lost everytin? hav i lost myself? what do i hav now?
i noe there are more fishes out there, but, am i able to find anor that is able to love me like he did. i dunno. i am afraid. i am scared.
why do i hav to rem all the small love that he gave to me? those kisses, hugs, words, songs, actions.... why cant i rem those bad tings abt him? coz i love him to love him his whole. and i hate myself. i realli hate myself.
i hate nite, it make me feel lonely, and i hate loneliness. esp that kind of loneliness i feel when standin in a crowded place. super lonely. super lost.
i never tot i will lose him, but it is all over now. all over.
i hate those dreams abt him, it make me miss him even more. two yrs, when i tot i got over him, he will slip into my dream. and i will cry. i hate it when i cry. i realli hate it.
was he the right one at the wrong time? or the wrong one at the right time? why cant he be the right one at the right time?
i hav been tryin to look at the sun and not the shadow, but it onli manage to make it temporary.
i may already cried a river, yet the tear didnt bring those memories away. why? why? why?
Considered for a second about our love at {9/18/2005 03:38:00 AM}
