Can This Be Love? .... Maybe.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Crazy ........

well, cant believe i am still awake. yeah. the story continues.

was at work yesterday, came back kinda drained. but becoz goin down to Metro for the event "Rice", and kenna cheated that my PA is workin, plus gals gettin ready takes time, plus i nearly conked out. so ended up dragged till abt 11 plus before i had dinner. hmmmm.

couldnt realli understand why did i wanna go. couldnt understand why i promised to go into work today. couldnt understand wat my mind is tinkin. i guess is just plain craziness.

the music was much better, compared to Mambo. well, apparently they got the DJ from spore la, MOS crapped la. saw a number of frenz there, and guess i was kinda in a matchin mood. haha. had to keep the night high wat.

came back home, slp less den 2 hrs, den off to work. crazy. kinda survived till now. and guess wat, later headin down to Paramount. hmmm, now is with my workin team. haiz. dun feel like drinkin, coz i noe i will sure dropped one. and none of my PA comin with me. haiz.

ok, my brain is not workin. but yeah. ciao.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/28/2007 06:42:00 PM} (0) comments
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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Weird ....

sometimes i realli wonder, if i realli set my mind in doin sth, luck will seem to follow my way.

got pulled aside by tegan today. tot wats goin on. apparently she felt that the whole team is not supportin lyle, and apparently someone went to spill beans. hmmmm. well, its not me, but i noe who is it.

and den, gary, the Loss Prevention Mgr came in today, i kinda wanna expectin him, coz i rem Monique told me that he will be comin in this wk, to get her the duplicate keys. well, theoratically speakin, i shld inform them abt this. but i just felt like, if it kinda will teach him that, so wat if the storeroom looks nice, but the shop floor sucks. the first audit report, we failed. i expected it. he never conc on ticketin, he keep tinkin that as long as we keep pushin stock, we will be alrite. hmmm, well, today is a good lesson for him. and when andre comes back, she will not be happy with it lor.

if i am not wrong, Ron gonna come in within next week to do a spot check, he always do that, esp when Gary called him. oh yeah, plus Dan dun recognised lyle as 2IC, so basically it will kinda be a favourable position for me.

i cant guarantee that i will be perfect, but at least i noe wat those mgt lvl wans. that is the difference between capabilities and abilities. haha. oh yeah. this is fun.

hmmmm, if he gonna ruin it himself, den good luck to him lor. haha. sometimes, it doesnt take much for me to use any strength to get wat i wan, now i am gonna pave my way man.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/26/2007 10:22:00 PM} (0) comments
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Anzac Day ....

seriously i dun realli understand Anzac day.... hmmm, seem is for the war veteran blah blah blah. seen a few funny reports on news, blah blah blah. to me, same ting, as long as is public holi which either give me an off day or double pay, is good day.

so, early in the mornin, kenna woken up by Claire to go eat dim sum. damn, i shldnt had said 11am. so, blah blah blah, reached "Joy Garden" @1pm. service sucks, but someone's mood sucks even more. haiz.

after that went to Hits Studio for a session of KTV. been a super long time and yeap, i still cant sing high tune. watever. and i realise, someone's voice is not bad though. hmmm. after that, met up with David and Das, had dinner at the ducky place in vict park. chilled out at Das's place. and now back at home.

freezin outside. wtf. and i just took out my entire collection of jackets. haha. ooooooo. i sure hav a hell lot of jackets man. haha. gonna retire some into pjs. haha.

time for bed, gotta work tml. ciao peeps.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/25/2007 11:20:00 PM} (0) comments
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Mixed ....

okie, overall, work sucks big time. finally the game started. now the sense of threaten sets in. now he understand why the fuck i got so fuckin upset abt. he noe he cant win me, yet, without holdin onto the opportunity that will allow him to prove himself. he start to fall into the game. well, bring it on. when a lion want sth, it sure will get it at all cost.

with me givin him the step to get down the stage, he chose to pull the game into a higher lvl. underestimatin my tolerance, underestimatin my stubborness. well, sarcasm wun brin him anywhere but down.

though work was bad, but one bright news kept my mood up for the day. Steph is back for holi. oh yeah. well, she is back for holi for one week. hmmm. so good to see her though. we yum cha at Makan Makan, den proceeded on to COnca's. chatted so much, time just flew. hmmm. it just kept my mind off work. just be me for that short time. neither do i wanna spoil everyone mood, nor do i wanna load her with my tots. just wanted to enjoy the time with her. thats all.

it goes the same when i had dinner at Hawker's with my "family" today. gotta start to push the limit of self control again. as much as i had a bad day, but i noe that why shld i add on to the moody mood, when i can be the one that bring ppl up. at least we all enjoyed our dinner. and i do agree, nv brin negative emo to the table, it just spoil the appetite. thats all.

Dav used to say "neg emo will always bring down a happy person, and it has a chain reaction". bein assertive in tings will eventually clear the clouded mind, and it will be then that u will realise that it is all just so clear.

after havin such a bad wk, after all the howlin and grumbling, it just hit me straight that, it is not goin anywhere unless i do sth abt it. it was den that, a courage from within shine thru, decisions were made almost instantly, questions and doubts cleared up. there is no time for me to sit there and cry, if i want it, i grab it. although it might sound ruthless, but yeap, i will get wat i wan at all cost. at least i noe i hav reall i tried my best.

frenz arnd me are havin problems, i took a step back. as much as my curiousity is killin me, yet i also noe that, what i noe will be what they are willin to say. probin wun help, tried once, tried twice, tried the third time, i wun ask anymore. the time is just not right. sometimes, bein nice isnt the best way. sometimes, steppin away will be a better solution. sometimes, that is just the best way for the person that u care to learn. standin by them, i nv moved. yet, sometimes, i just gotta let go, for them to learn, to understand themselves.

forgive me if i seem to be uncaring, coz i care too much.
forgive me if i placed myself before u, coz i cant find a better way.
forgive me if i hadnt been the one u noe, coz i hav grown.

I hav not moved from the spot since the day,
i hav not left ur side for a single moment,
i have decided that this path will help u,
i hav decided that it is better this way.

Always noe that i am always there,
always a phone call away,
always a sms away,
always a msn msg away.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/25/2007 02:38:00 AM} (0) comments
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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Perth Motor Show ....

ok, seriously, it sucks. though i never been to the show back home, but this is absolutely not wat i had in mind. no beautiful chicks modellin arnd cool cars. damn. onli cars and the worse ting is, not much new concept cars, nth fancinatin. no Lambo, no Porsche. even the EVO also is up till IX. duh. even no Holden Astra Sport. wtf. see until my head pain sia. coz is like, so little space, den so many car, so crowded.

yeah. ok, quick update. rented out movies from Blockbuster, chilled out at home watchin it. supposedly to go clubbin last nite, but serious miscommunication ended up goin down NB for dinner. didnt had mood to club though. so back to the usual, Pot Black. haha. nth much. taught Eve how to play lor. she sure had lucky shots. haha. heard there was a Bubble Party at Heats, but i guess is like w/o proper intention to go, hmmm.

was at the Motor show at Perth Convention center, den headed down to Carene's place for dinner. sweet potato porridge, oooooo. back to basic. haha. felt tired. realli tired. now back at home, tryin to chill, couldnt decide wat time to go in work tml. shld i go in at 8 when i am rostered 10??? cant believe i forgot to ask. hmmm.

and den, i'm gonna start a search warrant for my PA sia. hmmm, disappeared for quite some time. wonder wat she's up to sia.... kinda worryin when nv hear from her for quite some time. hmmmm..... how come PA goes on leave w.o informin Boss one? weird.

alrite, anor wk is comin up. dunno what to expect, dunno what will happen. basically the next two days, we r on our own. Tegan went back till thurs. Eva onli here to do ticketin. hmmm. gonna hav a chat with Dan tml. yeap. see how tings goes.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/22/2007 11:46:00 PM} (0) comments
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Saturday, April 21, 2007

New Haircut ....

got my hair cut today, that also include colour and highlight.

get a fresh look, this time round, colour is reddish-purple base plus blonde streaks. hmmm, kinda tone down a lot, but i guess i am movin on to anor phase of hair colours. now goin for a more hidden rebellious look.

been a sucky week, yet this is just the beginnin. whatever i see now, will be a lesson learnt. for someone who just step up and losin team respect. well, i shall not comment. lets not tok abt work, it just get me frus.

gotta slp liao. super tired. hmmm.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/21/2007 01:08:00 AM} (0) comments
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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Decision ????

well, the shop was thrown into chaoz when andre went ahead for holi 1 day earlier. and the ting is that it onli meant there is me, lyle and zoe after 230pm. i noe andre had sth to tok to me abt, yet due to the fact that she had to train lyle in duties. it kinda went MIA.

now i just felt like a hurt leo, curlin up. i kinda make the decision of takin up the 3rd option instead of the 2nd one. i couldnt make myself bein so selfish, basically i jus lose hrt. i cant work under him, no matter how i tried. it jus couldnt pass my own pride.

i sounded it out to Tegan at BBQ just now. apparently andre was kinda pissed with her too, maybe is becoz of wat is goin on. i dun wish to stir up anymore, it just wear me out. stayed behind for work till 7 just now. didnt noe why when i could hav gone off.

for me now, is just like a robot, goin in work, watsoever. nv had i been so demoralised, is it true that to be successful, u hav to be ruthless? i dunno. this is realli taxin me out.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/19/2007 12:18:00 AM} (0) comments
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

troubled ....

as expected, today is a tough day.

went to work this mornin, at first tot i could hold it pretty strong. but i guess, when the "off" button in me, kinda got ppl noticed. was tryin hard to muster up the courage to ask, it was till lunch time, when andre probe, that i broke down again. fuck man.

she opened up 2 options for me. 1st was to stay in girr as 3IC, den hang in there till rockingham open. 2nd was to get lyle transfer to Murray st, and i take over the position in girr. apparently, she alreadi planned to go ahead with the 1st option even if i had not tok to her. but i was shocked by her second option.

but how do u expect a betrayed hrt to believe in that? i hesitated. now i hav 3 main options opened up for me. the 3rd one was actually transfer over to Booragoon to be 3IC. i was tinkin abt the options the whole day. even thru the team meetin. was proud of myself bein able to put that strong front, to act like normal.

but i noe, i hav that bu shuang feelin in me. my pride is at work, for someone who used to be under u, and now the situation reversed. i am kinda like swallowin my pride, takin orders from him. to see my duties bein passed on to him, and to see him doin duties that was supposed to be mine. that seriously hurt me.

at least i noe the tears are dry, but i am tired. weighin thru all 3 options is wearin me out. basically the trust is broken, and i am askin myself, am i willin to take one more chance?

Considered for a second about our love at {4/17/2007 11:13:00 PM} (0) comments
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Monday, April 16, 2007

Tight Slap ....

well, seriously today is one bad day.

early in the mornin, went to work, recieve a shockin news, one that i nv expected. i lost the AM position in Girr. well, Lyle got promoted. felt like a tight slap on my face, felt seriously betrayed.

my emo was unstable, yet i had to put on a strong front. esp when team members keep askin if i was ok, any moment i was gonna burst into tear. keep tellin myself to stay strong, but the question WHY kept poundin my head. plus i am on reg, which is kinda good, coz that kinda avoid the team in one way or anor.

i dun deny Lyle is capable of that position, or maybe on par with me. i am glad and i noe that he will be able to step up to it. but what i felt upset abt is the fact that i had the experience in TRS but he doesnt. it kinda unfair to me. if me and him were to start on the same day, and he got promoted, i am willing to lose it to him. but for the fact that, i had the experience and he doesnt, that i lost it to him. well, isnt that a tight slap on my face.

wasnt realli in a good mood when i got off work. but still hav to keep a straight face. went over to Elise place for dinner, it was a yummy meal, yet i cant taste it. just felt like curlin up somewhere and nurse the wound. a call from Tegan, got me out.

went over to her apt, couldnt hold longer and broke the news to her. had a long chat abt it, in terms of wat were my expectations of this company, and how i lost trust, how i felt bein stabbed twice. how implied promises fall apart, how upset i was. just couldnt hold the strong front anymore, and i noe that if i need someone to tok to, it is her.

basically she was shocked, but she offered a few solutions for me. now, i gotta weigh the pro and cons of each. whichever it is, the condition was for me to tok to andre first. to find out WHY. tml nite, there is a team meetin, and i noe what is the main agenda, gonna be a tough nite, while it will put me in the toughest position, to keep a straight face in front of the whole team.

i noe i cant act like a fuckin kid, challengin that decision she made. i cant make Lyle lose the respect from the team. and the most impt, i cant let the team lose respect of Andre's decision. all i need to noe now is WHY did i lose that position that was supposed to be in my takings.

gonna be a tough day tml, swollen eyes not gonna help, so i am gonna grab some slp. ciao ppl.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/16/2007 11:25:00 PM} (0) comments
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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Rainy Day ....

ok, today is known for a rainy day, literally. i dunno when the rain started, but from the moment i came out of my super deep sleep, till now, the rain nv stop. haha. no need to wash car liao. haha. happy.

woke up in the evenin today, didnt expect though, guess my body is realli tired. had some weird dreams in the later part of the slp, hmmmm. but all in all, it was a good slp indeed.

is a love and hate for rain. my knee joints, back and ankle joints will hurt. damn. love rain, coz the sound of it patterin against the window glass is like nature music. hmmm. also, it is a good time to slp. haha.

anyway, had dinner at Thai COrner in Applecross with Elise. shall not comment on the food, as there is kinda not much to comment abt. haha. the debate of whether i am a fussy eater continues. haha.

stomach full, time to slp. thats the scary part, as i am onli awake for 6 hrs and now i am sleepy again. haha. goodness. well, anor wk gonna start, work work work. now i am troubled by my internship stuffs. damn.

shld i choose to fail this unit and stayed for anor sem? or to pass this unit and hope i get to stay in aus???? what will be a good choice????

Considered for a second about our love at {4/15/2007 11:03:00 PM} (0) comments
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. . .

okie, just got home, hmmm, which means i kinda goin bonkers soon.

caught the movie "300" with Elise just now, overall i will say it is alright. a little gruesome, a little funny, a little god-know-that-is-so-unreal. haha. i kinda felt that it had the mixed of all different kind of movies. hmmm, dunno how to describe, go watch it urself la.

i still wanna watch a few movies such as "Stomp the Yard", "TMNT", "Music & Lyrics"... but also dunno whether got time a not la. haiz. sad.... the necessities of the past is becomin the luxury of now.

anyway, after the movies, didnt wanted to go home, just felt like it is too early on a sat nite. so wanted to go for a spin, went down to NB. saw Tegan there, hmmm. so, headed down to Burswood as she had nv been there before, despite comin to Perth for 3 times. hmmm.

well, i did gamble, for fun, ended up winnin 5 bucks. hmmm, better den nth rite. haha. was a fun nite out, while i am the onli one sober. well, back in my own place, the bed is callin me, yet my brain doesnt wanna shut down. haiz. guess hav to do some forceful shutdown bah.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/15/2007 03:58:00 AM} (0) comments
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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Tired ....

ok, was called in to work today. hmmmm..... at Garden City instead. apparently out of the rostered 7 ppl, onli 3 appear. wtf. Tegan called me early in the mornin askin me to go in and help. seriously, if it wasnt that Andre was informed, i wun go in. anyway, processed stock all day. hmmm....

had steamboat at Eve's place last nite. was alreadi seriously dead beat by the time i finished work. hmmm. all becoz that Ron John is coming in. haiz. after so long in TRS, no matter which shop, all will be put into high alert. and the managers all givin shits. haiz. who called him is the BIG BOSS.

had the tot of doin my hair today, tot it was my off day. look like not fated bah. haha. seein the black roots comin out, is kinda gettin on my nerves. but now hav to realli tink of the colour to do on the hair. cant be the strikin crazy colour anymore. hmmmm. sad....

Considered for a second about our love at {4/14/2007 06:07:00 PM} (0) comments
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Thursday, April 12, 2007

Thoughts ....

just finished watchin "Happy Birhday" on dvd. quite a touchin story, although the endin was kinda sad.

it just made me tot of a few things.

How long will u wait for someone u love? though it may sound clique, yet this show truly reflect how society is playin a fool on ppl. How deep or strong is the love? from time to time, when obstacles are met, yet as life moved on, the love never changed, even till the very end. is that possible?

if one day i were to leave this world, do i wan to leave quietly?

Considered for a second about our love at {4/12/2007 10:57:00 PM} (0) comments
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Thoughts ....

how far will i go to be who i am?

haven been sleepin well, drinkin everynite.

to appear in a smiley face, to grow up.

to care and concern, to ignore.

two xtreme side, crossin the line consecutively.

to commit, to hav fun.

balancing on a thin line.

be myself, be someone else.

how far will i go, to be who i am?

Considered for a second about our love at {4/10/2007 12:27:00 AM} (0) comments
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Beach Day ....

okie, the wkend passed in one way or anor.

was at work on Sat, and sure it is just fantastic to know the pay that is given. however, i must say it is super duper tirin. tryin to clear the storeroom to be able to recieve 24 pallets of stock in on tues. hmmmm. goodness. got to get off early, came back to a super duper clean hse. hmmm, with the great pleasure of havin elise to seriously give the hse a clean. and also to cook dinner for the super duper lazy me. haha.

den went to Freo Street Art Fest on Sunday, well, quite interesting. considerin the performers are all gather from different part of the globe. but i guess it just lack the atmosphere that the Art Fest has. hmmm. plus the weather wasnt realli of a great help. hmmm. it just kinda showed how tough these ppl are to endure the rain and shine. hmmm. went to chill out at Carene's place, watchin some chick flick. den headed down to find David.

headed down to Scaborough Beach this afternoon. but before that, got Luca to change the car batt in my baby and brought it for a wash. didnt realli fully taken out the oil stain, but i guess is way much better den before. weather quite cooperative today though, although is kinda windy, yet the sun is still shinin brightly. didnt realli get too tanned, just a little. haha. and i tink the tanner i get, the fiercer i look. haha. and the waves are seriously crazy. haha.

went down to Northbridge for dinner at Golden Tandoori Restaurant - indian cuisine. overall is alrite, but i tink i still prefer "Two Fat Indian" in Cottlesoe. saw Tegan there, yeap, she is back. haha. but too bad she onli gonna be at Girr for the later 2 wks. hmmm. well, at least i noe she gonna be here for 1 month. cool. haha.

kinda helped out Silver moved her stuffs from my old place, den headed down to park my baby at the car rental place. so that tml when i return the car, i can get my baby and drive to work. haha. went to wash the rented car, and pumped the petrol. well, gonna catch some rest, tml gonna be a chaotic day. yeap. ciao.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/10/2007 12:15:00 AM} (0) comments
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Friday, April 06, 2007

Good Friday ....

okie, seriously i am not a fan of Good Friday or Easter... but with the public holi and the extra pay, well, i gotta learn to love it. haha.

anyway, got off work early on thurs. haha. well, other den the stupid traffic jam and watsoever, i kinda tink it is good for the extra hrs. haha. went down to Carousel to meet Carene and Huishan. not much walkin, guess i was tired. ended up do some grocery shoppin, coz Elise gonna cooked for me wor. haha.

the initial plan was to drive arnd, and relax. well, since when a plan is a fixed plan. was asked to go clubbin lor. hmmm, clubbin on thurs nite, supposedly is to Metro, as it has some events. so i asked Kelvin along. hmm, if u r wonderin who the hell is kelvin, basically he was the guy who tried to pick me up at work. anyway, i went down to fetch him from his place, which was seriously labelled as "a place where birds will not lay their eggs" as it is a fuckin 1hr drive from city, in the middle of Yancep National Park. wtf. and the ting that got me pissed off is that he kept callin me every fuckin 10min. ahhhhhhhhh.

ok, back to story, tics were sold out at Metro so went down to Paramount. hmm, by the time i reached was almost 1am liao. bloody hell. the crowd wasnt that good, but the music was alrite. at the end, onli left me, Elise and Kelvin. the 3 yellow ppl among the sea of whites. haha. had great fun in term of the crowd not so rowdy, but i kenna spilled water dunno by which fucker.

well, slept over at Elise place, with Kelvin in the livin room. hmmm. woke up this afternoon, changed and den went to hav lunch in Saigon. send him back, and i told myself this gonna be the first and last time lor. fuckin he more naggy den my mum. goodness.

anyway, tried to wash my baby, but realise the batt is flat. haiz. had dinner at elise place, and now back at mine. haha. lookin forward to a clean hse and dinner tml when i get back from work. haha. anyway, gotta go orh orh liao. if not tml wun be able to wake up in time. haha. ciao.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/06/2007 11:12:00 PM} (0) comments
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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Mixed ....

well, first, i got my Baby out of hospital last nite. seein the oil stain on the front of the boot, realli make me hrt ache. haiz. well, while drivin it down to Carene's place for dinner, kinda enjoyin the moment of me and my baby. at least it is not sick now, all it need is a good bath.

anyway, had a good dinner at Carene's place last nite, man, i was sure full. haha. had fish, chicken and bean sprout, wat a feast. haha. den watched The Departed on dvd la. didnt realli finished the show, coz it was gettin late, and i gotta work today.

work today was kinda blurry, gonna be very very busy for this wk, as more and more pallets of stock arrive. hmm, one load in the mornin, one load in the afternoon. scary. haha. oh ya, and this guy tried to pick me up at work. nah. borin.

had dinner at Elise's place, arent i a fortunate person. haha. and also, she boiled me sugarcane lor. haha. well, i nearly conked out at her place, but it was gettin too stuffy for me to slp. haha. so here i am, but before that, made a stop at eve place to smack her head. haha. now i am bein called a bully, hmmmmm.... weird.

alritey, gonna slp liao. nitez.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/05/2007 12:00:00 AM} (0) comments
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Monday, April 02, 2007

Baby in Hospital ....

awwwwwwwww, my baby in hospital. so sad, i shld hav noe that baby is sick, need to go check up, but being stubborn, ended up, baby spewed the whole window of engine oil, and the radiator spilt. hrt pain sia.

and it was on my way to work, ended up stuck nowhere near home, nor work place. had to get Evelyn to come fetch me, den get the tow truck to send it to Ben's workshop. den had to go rent car, and den to work. haiz.

hurt my eye during work, that was so close of pokin that stupid ting into my right eye. but now, my head a bit dizzy. haiz. been a hell day, had dinner at NB with Eve and Elise, seriouly feelin very very dizzy. hopefully i get a rest and tml will be better.

but one ting i realise, in the midst of all the shit, i was able to keep my spirit up, by not tinkin pessimistic, which i was seriously shocked abt myself. anyway, realli feelin dizzy to update. ciao.

Considered for a second about our love at {4/02/2007 09:49:00 PM} (0) comments
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The Lover

About Me

Name : Sharon Phang a.k.a Stone

Birthdate : 17th August 1984

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