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Saturday, April 08, 2006

Still Slumbering ....

well well, anor week is gone. cant blame me for not updatin, coz i was in a super slumber mode. haha.

thurs, went for class in the morning, den is like kinda tired, so skipped the afternoon classes, went to Vict Park for lunch, den went shopping in Carousel, with Silver and Steph. haha. retail theraphy sia. haha. i bought a jacket. haha. green colour wor. haha.

and i realise ppl have this mentality that i have a lot of black jacket when i onli have 1. hmmm.... and abt black clothings, i have a few lor. the rest is like diff colour lor. haha.

today, went to City with Janette lor, was kinda in a shoppin mode sia. went straight to Harbourtown lor. hmmm..... got myself, one pair of brown pants for 7 bucks. haha. one pair of jeans for 20 bucks, den a shirt for 29 buck and a army cargo pants for 39 bucks. hmmm. actually still got one more pair of shoes i wanna buy. but that one tink i will wait lor. haha.

went to have dinner at Northbridge, den went to Jason's place to chill and play mahjong. haha. up till now lor. haha. apparently they all goin North durin the easter break. so is like, i need to start on my assignments liao. haha. den again, hmmmm, slumber wor. haha.

was toking to silver just now, in regards to the topic of me dun wanna and dun wish to go back spore. hmmm. she was saying that i shld tink abt how my family will tink. seriously, i do miss my family, is just that, there are a lot of unfinished business back home. tings that i chose to run away. been in refuge, and i kinda like it. she jio me either June or Dec go back, but is like, i dun wanna get pulled down when i am back. i rather complete my degree and den face all those tings. my mum noe that she cant keep me, coz i have been very rebellious lor. she noe that if she keep on pulling the string of the kite, it will break. so now, she choose to let go of the string, coz she noe that i will come back on my own. now is just not that time to be back in spore and settle down. nor is it a good time to go back and be troubled by all the tings before i grad. even if my body is back home, my soul will still be takin refuge in every where except spore. so wats the point? hmmmmm ......

there are a lot of what if in my mind, which i noe that it is no point tinkin of them. but one ting silver say is true, how long more can my parents be arnd? i cant replace my parents. hmmm. my dad and mum is over 50 liao. haiz. is kinda dilema, coz if i go back, my mum sure will say i waste money, although i noe she will be happy to see me. but i rather she come over perth find me. coz she never travel that far before. haiz. she will be tokin abt money money money. hmmm. sometimes it just get on my nerves though.

when i am here, i control my own money, no one there to nag at me. isnt more comfy to the ears? guess i just hate ppl naggin at me. maybe a bit of self-centered, stubborn. hmmm....

that is one main issue, the other one is in regards to the regret i had in my life. tings kinda goin weird i supposed, although i kinda tempted to fly back immediately to see if all this were true, but den, the fear of realisin that it is not is even greater, there are still good memories between us. i just dun wanna spoil it. i got scolded for lookin behind me, but whu will realli understand. the chinese saying "a good horse wun eat the grass it just stepped over" it took me three yrs to realise that, it's worth eatin the grass behind me lor. too many communication break down, and misunderstanding. when neither is realli at fault, it just make the entire situation complicated. frenz have told me that i will find a better one, but tell me, for 3 yrs, i have been finding, but it isnt just as simple as u say. i cant deny i am still finding, but days goes by, it just get to a point where i kinda given up hope. i dun wanna change my entire style just to fit into a stereotype criteria, coz to me, i wun be happy abt myself, so what will make a rs happy? it is not me, so what if i realli found a better one? the reason why i keep lookin back, is becoz, i can be myself and theres no restriction on me. i am comfy with what i had, and didnt hav to worry that i will throw the face of the other. he is proud to intro me, and so do i. what more can i ask for?

my self-esteem isnt that high in term of rs. coz there are too many setbacks i had. when the impact comes again and again, no matter how strong is my confidence, it will be shattered. and i can say that, i dun hav much left, until i met him. he dun expect me to change unless i am comfy with it. that matters a lot to me. to be comfy with myself and with him, is just a simple rs, but worthwhile. there bound to be some tings that we need to compromise, but thats what rs is abt. the ting lackin between me and him, is the communication bridge. now that an effort is made, but circumstances doesnt suit well. in such a dilema, yet there isnt anytin i can do rite now, except to keep buildin the bridge. coz one day when i get back, i need to settle this unfinished business. i noe i cant run away from it very long. i just dun wanna face it now. haiz.


Considered for a second about our love at {4/08/2006 04:28:00 AM}
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The Lover

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Name : Sharon Phang a.k.a Stone

Birthdate : 17th August 1984



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