Can This Be Love? .... Maybe.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Thoughts

well, more thoughts. was waiting for the train to work today. and thoughts just seamlessly flow thru my mind. not of any particular kind, just tots.

seein myself thru the reflectin mirror, i couldnt recognize the person in the mirror. that pair of eyes look so lifeless. it doesnt carry any joy or happiness. that sparkle in the eyes were gone. what happen?

lookin back at the photos i took few months back, and comparin with last semester, i realise that the sparkle wasnt realli there anymore. the facial expression doesnt show that radiant, or enthusiaism that i had when i just came.

the eyes tell a lot of stories, a lot has happened, lessons had been learnt. the most simple wish was not as simple as it seems to be. tied down by committments, i dunno where did the carefree self went. juggling between studies, work and frenz, that rush and gush slowed down.

frenz hav commented that i became lazy when i started working. i wasnt able to give my full ability to get tings done, i seems to slack on tings that i used to be full on. a lot of promises were put on hold, and i dun deny i did neglect some frenz arnd me.

i wun blame it all on my work, coz i noe i had no choice but to work. with work, comes additional responsibilities, additional worries, additional problems. my full on energy is being split, and my limitations bein hit time and time again.

so hard hav i tried to increase my limit, but the effort come to naught. in the end, i chose to pull back into a solace life. instead of tinkin of expandin the social circle, i chose to withdraw into my world. with few frenz that i chose to keep.

when situations arises within my world, it is the same time that i realise i had no one to confide in, my world is too closely linked. the fear of words that are not meant to spread, spread. be it intentionally or unintentionally. thus i seek wisdom from the past.

the past that i left behind when i get on the plane and left last yr. for the trust that was placed on the past, seems to be a safer mode of venting out. all that had been bottled up came up burstin onto an innocent outsider of the situation.

the trust of a frenz that i nv met, yet shared the deepest secrets of my life. a mutual agreement to keep the frenship this way, nv to meet each other. a frenz that seem to be my life advisor, a kind of respect that no other can recieve.

is it becoz of the distance that we kept, thus buildin that strong foundation of trust that we had, the purest form of frenzship. where words can be said w.o worryin that it will hurt the other party. actions can be done w/o worryin that it will affect the other party.

and thru this special frenzship that i learn to wonder of not bein possessive, as both of us lead our different lives. it doesnt interwined, onli the early stage. we are two seperate entity that is linked by one single factor, the very basic of rs, trust.

tinkin back on the start of this frenzship, i did wonder why we will be frenz. all that was said is that, it is just a feelin that i want to stand by u. and it is a mutual feeling. nth of any weird feeling, just that gut feeling that we both had, even when we didnt contact each other for a few months, a simple sms will linked us back again.

i hav read quite a number of theories on frenzship, for none actually could explain this special frenz that i had. this frenzship defies all laws of rs, there wasnt any proximity, nor verbal comm. yet the trust that we had, is more that wat others and even us had expected.

this special frenz had tried to mend the void in my hrt, where all the deepest secrets lies. bit by bit, there is no limit placed nor any deadline. by givin me the most when i least expected, time had proven. tinkin of the transformation that i went thru, this special frenz had neber claimed credit for anyting. all that was said is I seen u changed ever since i noe u, no matter how u change, as long as u r willing, i will be there for u, when u need me.

this post is specially for this frenz. it doesnt mean to compare with the rest of the frenz i hav. Thanks K, for the special frenzship, that taught me a lot. thanks for everyting that u had done for me for the past dunno how many number of yrs. haha. and i am sure we will hav many many many yrs ahead.

Considered for a second about our love at {10/14/2006 11:56:00 PM}
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Name : Sharon Phang a.k.a Stone

Birthdate : 17th August 1984

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