Can This Be Love? .... Maybe.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Lonely

in the midst of studyin for my PR int paper tml, in the abacus lab in uni. just felt the tinge of loneliness goin thru me. well, dunno why also, in the midst of reading the 6 case studies and 12 journal articles, my mind had the space for the tinge to flow in. weird. lookin at the ppl arnd me studying, 99% are with grp of frenz studyin together. and i am of the 1% that is studyin in the corner. damn.

had hesitation in coming to uni study, and i can guess one of the factors is that no one here to study with me. the mode of encouragment is not there for me to continuin to study. i noe that i cant study at home, coz i will be sleepin rather den studying. yet as the effect of the energy pill reducing, the tiredness falls in. and yet still lotsa reading to do. i also noe that if i stop now and proceed home to slp, i will not be able to study when the morning comes. being a night study person, have this weakness of losin concentration easily durin the day.

woke up this morning feelin a bit lost, maybe is becoz one of my close frenz gonna go back soon. with a huge hope that i will get to see her again, yet just a sense of helplessness to know that it may not be true. although this sem a lot of tings happen and we dun see each other everyday, yet the tot that she is still here, kinda kept the feelin strong. knowin that if ever i needed her, she is just mins away. yet once she gone back, we are 5hrs flight away, across the pacific ocean. the distance seem so appaling. although i can still call her, yet it just felt so different. although i will still sms her, yet the feelin that she cant be here still linger.

of great confident that she will be back, yet circumstances unfold and tough challenges up the road. hav i done wat i could hav? hav i cherish her as a frenz? hav i helped her thru all the tough times that she had? why am i havin doubts on this frenzship now? hav i put too much hope on her? or hav i had too much expectations? hav i took tings for granted? or hav i forget the fact that this is not our hometown?

why do i hav doubts in this frenzship? though thru the tough times, it stood strong. was it becoz both of us is still here? the distance apart was not significant? but once she goes back, the distance become significant. will this frenship pass this test? this test of unknown time limit?

i seen so much of what i didnt expect to see from her, i learnt so much of what i didnt expect to learn from her. yet is this the time for all this to end? we pass thru the many doubts that we encoutered, we gave each other the assurance in times of doubts, and we proved that we still stand strong. yet the huge factor of time and distance, will it change the nature of the frenzship?

to be honest, why am i having doubts, is becoz, i will miss her. as such a frenz that always stand by me thru the tough times, as such a frenz that always goes crazy with me no matter where we are, as such a frenz that will scold the hell out of me, onli for my own good. as such a frenz that understand me that i didnt expect her to. lotsa tings were unspoken, yet she manage to fathom what is in my mind.

the times that we spend together, were never moments of peace, either there will be friendly arguments or dead silence. yet just bein with her presence, no matter what we were doing, always make me happy. even though we may looked like try to tear each other's head off.

i wonder will i cry if i send her off at the airport? nv did i cry sendin ppl off at the airport, but this huge uncertainty of not knowin when will i get to see her kinda will trigger off the tear glands in my eyes.

it was then, that i realise, i forget to put into consideration of sending frenz off at the airport such an emotional ting to me, when i was contemplatin to study here. this factor realli hit me straight and hard. coz there is no mental preparation. one by one, all my close frenz here gonna go back. and i noe that i wun be goin back for some time.

of the most confident frenzship i had, is the one that went thru even much more tings with me. been years that we know each other, been hell lot of tings we went thru. we past the time and distance factor and though still in the process of strengthenin the broken links, it is of great confidence that this frenz wun go.

was in a down mood this morning, just couldnt get the mood to study. forcefully dragged myself to uni. and here i am, in the midst of studying.

Considered for a second about our love at {11/16/2006 12:19:00 AM}
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Comments:

am i thinking wat ur thinking B1?

If B2 is right, B2 just wanna say friends will always be there for each other, things may change but friends will never. distance may change certain elements but at the end of the day, as long as both parties are willin to put in the required effort, the friendship remains. don't worry.

# posted by

enerac : 4:05 PM, November 18, 2006