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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

One down ....

okie, basically finished my Asian Mgt paper this morning. quite an interesting one, coz it just proven to me that i still can spot questions quite well. but also prove to me that i am gettin old. not much of short term memory power left. haha. shld be able to pull thru bah.

oh ya, last nite i went uni to study, at first found a quiet spot in uni to study. considerin is exam period, and the labs are mainly busting with ppl. but after studyin for one hr, i gave up that spot. coz the bloody wind was blowin like mad. haiz. luckily went into one of the lab and is not much ppl. studied till 3 before i came back. the initial rush of adrenalin disappeared and i went straight to slp. haiz.

just now after exam, met Silver for lunch lor. Makan Makan again. fuck man, i gonna get sick of that place sooner or later. wanted to had a game of snooker, but didnt noe that LAQ changed hands and isnt open till evening.

so we ended up finding the dogs at Maddox's place lor. slack till evening den proceeded back to LAQ for snooker. grab Mac' on the way back, and here i am. haha. wonder when will be the next time we will play snooker together again. haiz. in terms of snooker, she is so far the best partner to play with lor. haiz.

i realised that i am losin interest in study liao, was diagnosis of not puttin that into my priority now. which incidentally hit the bullseye. keep hangin there, to get thru this sem smoothly, den finish up my strat mgt. the rest will be a whizz.

as much as i hoped to finish uni, i kinda wanna secure my future here. realise that there is a huge sacrifice that i had to make. time draw distance apart, which is true. no matter how much i feel that spore isnt a place for me. but kinda dun deny that i still hav my frenz back there. the longer i stay here, the faster the circles will break. at the end of the day, i may succeed in life, yet i hav lost a huge bunch of frenz. i noe, true frenzs stand by u all the way. but one ting, they will change, so will i. after years of not seein each other, we moved on with our life and our path may not crossed again. haiz.

one ting is true, frenz in perth come and go. coz after all, this is not their hometown. as much as they might wanna stay, sometimes is not within their control. every sem pass, sure to be someone's final sem. dun realli like the part of sending them off at the airport, noein that dunno when will be the next time u see them. haiz.

it was commented that the onli ting that i hav successfully achieve was to put rs aside and conc on other aspect of my life. well, been a rough year for me. cant deny that i was nearly taken down, but with the grp of frenz who cared for me, i became stronger and stood up. though wounded, still standing strong. i noe that, i am reachin anor major turnin point of my life, no way rs can be involved. den reality hits me back, one question hit straight into my face, when am i plannin to get married?

i used to jokingly said that i wanna shotgun when i was 21, yet due to the fact that i came over to study, i postphone it to 23. time flies and i am reachin 23, and i noe no way i gonna shotgun or even get into a rs. how long can i drag? used to tink that the ideal age was at 26 or 27. but lookin at my own future that i had in mind, there is no place for marriage till i dunno when. haiz.

although i officially enjoyed singlehood recently, no matter how strong i look in front of ppl. it cant be denied that sometimes, i just wished that there is someone there to lean on. however independent i am, sometimes, the fragile side of me will surface, and remind me that no matter wat, i am still human. it is the period of time that i hate most. it will lead into depression mode, and affectin other aspects of my life.

i dun deny frenz hav always been there for me, but bear in mind, ask the honest truth. wouldnt there be time when u hesitated to confide in a frenz, as u noe that they might hav other emotional commitments in their life, for example bf, gf? not that u dun wanna be close with them, but u noe that u hav to give them personal spaces. dun worry if ur answer is yes, coz i feel that way to. out of so many frenz i had, we may started out noein each other when everyone is single, but as time goes by, u see the frenz arnd u pairin up and left u alone, that feelin is realli undescribable. not jealousy, but is like, o, i tink i just lost a frenz. i am not sayin that i am selfish to ask ppl still stay the same but it is just a feelin. cant realli describe it very well. onli those who hav been thru it will understand.

or sometimes, is like "i wanna call XXX out, we used to go out so often, but do u tink XXX is free? what if XXX is with the partner and they hav plans out?, wun it be a bit weird???" "lucky i still can call YYY out, coz YYY doesnt hav a partner. still can find YYY to confide in without any worries of affecting much of YYY's life except for time." sounds familiar, i heard so many ppl tellin me that.

i realise most of our ideology is communitarianism, as we thought of other's before self, community before self. to much extent. of coz ppl will argue that these are mainly assumptions made by one party, but being brought up in a more conservative Asian culture, rejections may deem to be a loss of face or dun wanna reject ur frenz. it is the culture that was instilled in us ever since we were young. time change and the culture start to change, however, the baseline is still there. this will lead to a lot of misunderstanding and conflict. been there, done that.

maybe that is the reason why i pullin back, i noe i wun be involved in rs for quite a while, and ppl arnd me will start to get ready for family life. the pressure will be there, and i kinda retreat into solitude, kinda hopin that the pressure will give me a miss. haiz. i realised i had changed.


Considered for a second about our love at {11/14/2006 11:00:00 PM}
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Name : Sharon Phang a.k.a Stone

Birthdate : 17th August 1984



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