i noe i will cause a big hoo haa by postin this post. but i realli cant find anyone who i can tok to regardin this. i got to get it out of myself before i go into anor round of depression again. feelin the symptoms, been tryin to control it, am on the verge.
this yr bday, i am not happy. though i had all my days fully booked, though i get myself thrashed almost every nite. though i am with frenz that care. but i was still not happy. i felt lonely, and its the loneliness in the middle of a crowd. sth is missin, just felt so empty.
i am not sayin that all my frenz who celeb with me is not close to me. but its that kinda emptiness that i feel, i appreciate all the efforts made, i can feel the warmth, yet i still dun feel happy.
was told that i give ppl a sense of insecurities. was told that i can be committed into a frenzship, but the next moment, i will pull out. is the sense of insecurities that frus ppl out, coz when i pull back, i realli pull back.
was told that ocz i get committed to a frenz, i tend to vent out whatever i hav onto that person, which in turn hav a vicious cycle. a cycle that have a butterfly effect. and becoz the time frame is short, i lose my attention fast, i start to see the effect that i caused, and i dun wan it to continue, and that is the time i pull back.
was told that with my priorities bein set out, it gets to a point whereby i will try to seek perfection in it, thus givin myself too much stress.
i dunno, too many chain of tots, i need to sort it out.
Considered for a second about our love at {8/21/2007 11:14:00 PM}
