wasnt in a good mood last nite, maybe is becoz one of the old wound opened up in the hrt.rainy weather didnt help either.
went to had dinner with Evee, Amelia, Ruby and Denise @ Moon Cafe in NB. interesting place, the steak was good, and so is the Ceasar Salad. hmmm. like the atmosphere, not the quiet romantic one, but one with attitude. that is one of the place baby is goin when she arrive. highly recommended by evee. haha.
was chattin with carene last nite before dinner. it felt bad when i told her that she is on her own, in order to break that vicious cycle. as much as i tried to lock it away, i have felt that i've given up hope. i dun seek, and i dun tink it will seek me. been yrs of seekin and non-seeking, it kinda just prove to me every single time, it is just not my fate.
have i chose to accept it? i hav to say, i am afraid so. have i given up hope? maybe not, maybe yes. i hav learnt not to put too much hope, coz i noe i wun be able to take anor blow. in the end i will be hurt, no matter what i choose. so why not just let me enjoy, and deal with the consequences later?
i am not tryin to be pessimistic, nor am i throwin cold water on her, i noe she wun hav to go thru wat i had been thru, i noe she wun hav to suffer. she just hav to pass the phase, and she will move on in grace. it is a risk that she is takin, with thorough thinking, it is not sth that she just decided not to. no matter wat, i will always give that listening ear. even if u feel that the whole world is turnin their back on u, i am there, coz i noe u long enuf to noe that u arent what ppl might tink of u.
as for my case, dun worry for me, if it meant that i will be swimmin in daze all my life, even if it meant i will be lonely thru out my life, i will learn to cope with it. if it meant to be my fate, i guess i will accept it. my vicious cycle been goin on too long, i have let it gone out of my control.
i dun have the courage to step out, nor i hav the guts to take the risk, when all i noe at the end of the day, if i am not happy, i rather not break it. it took me sometime to find myself, and i dont wanna lose it now. this is who i am, and this will be wat i am in future.
in our life, we made decisions that might be the turning pt, watever it is, dun look back and regret. bite it down and move forward. this is ur life, and this is wat u wan, dun let surroundin ppl talk u down, or even care wat others might wanna say, if it is meant to be, it will be.
if ever one day, i give it all up, just take it as a lesson. dun dwell on it. the field is bright and green, enjoy urself, and be glad u r given the chance, and the opportunity.
Considered for a second about our love at {7/15/2008 02:39:00 PM}
