Can This Be Love? .... Maybe.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Get To Know Me ...

heres anor one... haha...

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty.
At work and school, you do best when you're researching.
When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often.
In friendship, you are considerate and compromising.

Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking.
You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

- at my darkest moment, truly i feel guilty, but not of a certain ting but the entire situation.
- researchin is one of my strong area, which often lead to too much info, haha....
- i dunno whether good or not la...
- i can be stubborn at times lor, esp if i tink i am realli right. but mostly i quite compromising one lor. haha... abt considerate, hmm... i am working on it...

Considered for a second about our love at {8/30/2005 01:34:00 AM} (0) comments
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Get to Know Me ....

been sometime neber do personality test liao... haha...
here is one....

You Are a Strawberry Daiquiri

You're a fun, playful drinker who loves to party.
You may get totally wasted, but you're always a happy drunk!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

well, quite interesting, haha.... go try it out... for fun ...

Considered for a second about our love at {8/30/2005 01:30:00 AM} (0) comments
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Monday, August 29, 2005

Araluen ...

well, that is where i went today .... is so-called the Tulip Festival garden.... well, went there before... during my first time in perth, which was i tink 1 yr ago.... maybe it is now just winter turnin to spring, thus, the flowers were not as great as i rem them to be... planning to go again, in mid spring to check that out....

of coz, there is photos... check them out... as usual, more on scenery den human, quite happy with the photos i took. of coz when i realise, since when i set it to 6 megapixel... whu wan it as wallpaper, ask me la. send to u. haha....

came back, went coles to grab meat... i need cheaper alternatives liao... this is realli costing me a lot ....

den took a nap, woke up at abt 7pm... cooked dinner, watch Simpsons on tv, and now back in my room.... must start to study liao, but still slacking man... after all is one week holi... haha....

Okie, to make tings easier, sub heading again ....

Human

that is steph with the yellow and white tulips... hehe.. on special request

basically this is the few of us on the bus, dun ask me why my face like that, coz the bus driver took us for a big big round trip.... my butt hurts k....

me and steph....

Water

river stream....

look like postcard style...

serenity ....

surrounding looks calm, yet the water is so rapid ...

mini waterfall, haha....

Flowers and Trees

Majestic trees with the clear blue sky as backdrop... cool ...

pink camilles, dark pink though ...

here is the light pink ones....

Close up ....

White ones....

i like this photo a lot.... dunno wat bells... haha...

this photo is to capture the dews on the flower

a special request by Janette of floating flowers

this one is not that fantastic... anor request by Janette

Of coz, the main character of today ... Tulips ... white ones....

orange and purple ones....

anor shot with better view ....

yellow and white ones ....

close up on the fresh tulips ... white ones with dew drops ...

a sea of reds ...

Orange and reds ....

Anor shots .... i just love the dew drops .... haha....

Considered for a second about our love at {8/29/2005 09:16:00 PM} (0) comments
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Groceries....

okie, went to Subi and Freo this afternoon....

bought one bunch of bak choy, two bunch of Choy sum, 600g of "class 1" mushrooms, one packet of french beans, choc muffins. haha....

wanted to buy fish, but i realli dunno how to handle fish. haha.... must look for expert in this man....

anyway, me got myself dumb bells, to start to tone down that flabby tricep.... haha... summer coming.... haha.... finally got mood to exercise liao.... did crunches too.... that tummy.... i must get rid of it.... haha

must turn all the energy of tinking into energy to exercise, will benefit me better.... been havin funny dreams lately, so kinda cant sleep well....

tml gotta wake up early, so me wanna go sleep liao...

Considered for a second about our love at {8/29/2005 12:29:00 AM} (0) comments
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Sunday, August 28, 2005

Morning ,.....

okie, i just got back from steph's place .... slept over last nite....

i forgot wat time did we slept, is like tokin toking, den "good nite" den conked off. haha. but i tink it is abt the time the rain start to drop. had funny dreams last nite. i noe it is funny, but i cant rem....

steph woke up early to go church (the place of worship) while me came back and rot... haha. later goin Freo and Subi to grab veggies, i need supply man. haha.

anyway, nth much happen for yesterday.... super slack lor... haha.

Considered for a second about our love at {8/28/2005 10:05:00 AM} (0) comments
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Saturday, August 27, 2005

Thoughts ....

okie, this is the second round....

and yes, it is that GTO anime again....

saw this quote "Tear from the eyes is like tear in the hrt" the word "tear" have two different meaning, yet it portray a very good tinking ....

lets see, when was the last time i cried? onli a few days ago, and how does it feels? hrt pain. thats the meaning behind the quote.

when i listen to phrases be it from anime or songs or tv shows, i somehow tend to link it to feelings that i had before. and normally, it will end up bad. yeap.... i guess this is wat happens when there is too many knots in the hrt.... u cant tear them apart, and it will add to the pain.

someone told me that, if HE is so impt to me, why dun i just tell him? well, i dunno how to tell him. no, it is not that simple as it seems, there were other issues in it too. if it was as simple as it is, i would hav done it long ago, when i was more courageous.

things are more complicated than it seems, and forgive me, as some issues i dun wanna bring it up. not that i dun trust my frenz, just that there are tings to be kept realli by myself.

love make people blind, and it also make ppl shine. dun understand? go look at those who are in a rs now, esp those whu just started, see the shine in their eyes? that is what i call true happiness.

when was the last time i had that kinda shine? when was the last time i actually could laugh out so happily that i hav nth held back?

on my bdae, after recievin so much from everyone, the onli ting that stop me to be realli super happy is him. yeap. i realli miss him on my bdae... but what could i do? he is not coming over nor i am flying back. stupid tinking i noe. i miss his hugs and kisses. i rem for the past 2 yrs, my bdae wishes were that to recieve his hugs and kisses again. the cuddling in bed, feelin his warmth. him tellin me that he loves me, all the small actions. those wishes never came true.... this yr wishes, was kinda complicated, but since it is still within a yr, i will onli disclose it next yr... coz i still believe that wishes make on the 21st bdae is always the one that will come true. i have up to next yr....

i noe, i am just feeling lonely.... in the aspect of love.. i knoe i have many frenz whu love me, but that is in the aspect of frenzship. and those are two seperate areas, which cant replace one another.....

when will i be shining again???? haiz.......

Considered for a second about our love at {8/27/2005 03:49:00 AM} (0) comments
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Friday, August 26, 2005

Holiday ....

well, hehe, first ting first.... one week holiday ... yeah....

i just realise that the assignment that i was rushing last nite was not due today.... haiz.... but den.. to look on the bright side, at least i got it verified that all that i do is wrong.... haha. realli pathetic... but at least, haha.... i got up till the week after next to do it well. haha.

look like next week i gotta catch up with my studies liao, and start preparing notes to study. well, this is just a comment.... haha.... and i dunno how long this will last. i am a slacker for goodness sake. haha.

next monday going picnic at Araluen Garden.... where all the tulips are... went before and i dun mind goin back again. haha.

next tuesday got project meeting,

next wed also got project meeting....

next sat plannin to go "CHurch", not the place of worship, but the place to club. haha.
so, rest of the week will be evenly distributed, between, movies, dvds, and study. haha.

Considered for a second about our love at {8/26/2005 04:18:00 PM} (0) comments
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Thursday, August 25, 2005

Quote of the Day

"Spending quality time is better den quantity time"

well well, no need to explain this quote rite?

but wat i like to bring up is that, how many of us, expect quantity time with the other half? rather den quality time? hmmmmmm....... i am afraid most of us. tink abt it peeps.

Considered for a second about our love at {8/25/2005 03:43:00 PM} (0) comments
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Assignments ....

okie, i am going to be crazy over assignments, esp for the unit PR Techniques 200. coz every week got assignment due. hmmmm........

anyway, me realise me hav been snackin quite seriously, and on junk food lor. hehe. scary man, now can feel my tummy comin out... NOOOO.... coz the weather turnin good, and everyone wanna go beach.... no way i goin with a "2 month pregnant" tummy. den again, i didnt bring my bikini along, so maybe not that urgent to go on diet lor.

yesterday went for my first lesson in Tai Chi. shiok sia.... hehe. finally learnin sth lor. haha. must make full use of my uni life man. hehe. enjoy and study. haha.

gonna rushed my assignment again. how i wish next week come faster, so at least no need to rush like crazy. haha. ciao

Considered for a second about our love at {8/25/2005 03:37:00 PM} (0) comments
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Full ....

okie, i tink i overstuff myself....

anyway, slept at 6am, actually dun wanna sleep one, coz is like got a lecture at 830am lor. tot of attending it. and tryin out my limit of not sleeping.... ended up, was listenin to the online lecture, and i fell asleep. haha. so i missed the lect again. crapped.

woked up at 2pm, rushed to my tut at 230pm. man, i seriously am exercising sia... haha. finish at 4, came back home, cooked myself my Brekkie, Lunch which is Pasta. haha. i gettin good at that man.

jill came over my place at 5 plus, den we proceeded to City to attend a dinner at The Melbourne Hotel. actually, i acc her la, she got a book prize la. haha. congrats man.

dinner was SUPER good, taken into consideration that i haven been eatin well since i came here. haha. and i tink i overstuffed myself. haha.

at the dinner, i realli get to see the culture of australians sia. haha. so fun, toking to those ppl there. realli a great exposure for me.

anyway, came back and stuffed myself with chips again. haha. crazy me.

since tml i preparing to attend that 9am lect, so i guess i will be sleepin soon. haha.

Considered for a second about our love at {8/24/2005 01:34:00 AM} (0) comments
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Thoughts ....

okie, i noe it is "early" now.... but the prob is i cant sleep....

was watching "GTO" the anime, and i realise that..... i am just pathetic....

i guess watchin anime issint a good idea.... esp when i am tryin to tink abt my own life. it is always so perfect in anime....

but sometimes, isnt it good if all were true, i noe, wishful tinking.

they portray a wonderful pic of frenzship and relationship. isnt that wat i wanted to achieve? maybe i am a perfectionist, but, i realli wanna hav that.... is that too much to ask for?

society is so cruel, that i always got lost. lost in directions, in thinking, in life.... i noe i sound pessimistic.

frenz used to say that i am super optimistic, i dunno where that disappear to? everytime i try to paint a good pic, somehow, expectation brings disappointment. the higher it is, the harder i fall. thus, i realli start to give up.

i always believe that there is always sth good, till now i still believe, or am i just deluding myself? i kinda like to contridict myself, which in most case ended up super messy tots.

i am realli gettin sick and tired of all this....

i tot that by going overseas, i will be able to sort out my tots properly. but i guess, no matter where am i, it is me that i cant pass. coz i dunno how to sort out my tots. was standing at the balcony earlier, cool weather, chilling wind blowing, i tot it will make me awake. but i still cant manage to get a clue on how i shld start tinking....

is like i reach a multijunction, with onli one destination...... and i onli see the end not the route. it realli is makin me vexed out.... i am not one who can express myself emotionally, nor in words. it is just so vexing.... my vocab is limited, esp when it comes to inner self.

deep down inside, i noe there are many knots in my hrt, i am tryin to untie them. but i fear of the consequences, coz i dunno how to converse the right way, i noe that i will get tongue tied... it just feel like a burden in me....

being brought up in a "non-expressive" environment, when sometimes, turnin frus into violent is the way to communicate, it realli scares me....

pride, face, ego... used to hav one frenz whu told me that i have the pride and ego of a guy.... i wonder if it is true? i always wonder that.... i rem me as a gal whu always put up a front that is strong, and nth can defeat me... it lasted onli for 16yrs... after that, society and reality crushed me. i rem those times when i hated myself, for bein a weakling. i rem myself those times when i cried, i hate it.... i just dun like the feelin of vulnerability...

rem when i was young, being called names that somehow make me tink i am wat it is called. it somehow fix my mindset to that. but now, i just felt lost.... and i dun like that feeling...

it used to be internal locus of control.... i was happy den.... i can feel myself changing. and ppl say that i matured, but i tink i am losing control of myself. or is it the process of finding myself? i cant say i put it as a good or bad ting. coz i dunno how to define good and bad.

someone did tell me before, that by letting go of the past, i will move on to the future. i am tryin to. but if my mind is so messy now, wun i be in messier in future? being systematic, is that realli a virtue? always tryin to plan tings in advance, is that a good ting?

be responsible to ownself, whats that? wat is the definition? love ownself, how? respect ownself, how? i am always pursuin the answers, but how? time to time, i just get tired of tinking, and chucked everytin into one small corner of my mind, but time to time, it will just come bursting out...

i looked arnd me, i see my frenz arnd me, i dunno what to do. society make me lose trust in everyting. no, i am not blaming on society, is just that time to time, i get hit hard in the face.

broken hrt make one stronger, we all heard this before. time will heal, anor sentence which i tell ppl and tell myself. but, it doesnt seem to be the case for me. ppl can go into new rs and frenzship, but i cant. sorry pals, but this is wat i tink. coz the picture of frenzship and rs was realli shattered.

ppl keep tellin me that, always have confidence in watever one do, my personal motto was "never regret in whatever decision u make". but honestly, i regretted a lot of decisions i made. it doesnt have to be those life-death decisions, but every single small decisions made every seconds. it accumulate and results in painful consequences.

i been there, done that, suffered numerous times. i just cant go on like that. i lost trust in almost everyting, even my family and myself. when one reached that stage, it is almost a KO. realli, and i noe the onli way out was to rebuild to trust. it is easier said den do.

for example, i meet a new frenz, i will tell myself, it is a new beginning, den suddenly, i will start tinking, wat if it is anor hrt break again? what if it is not? my mind will fickle, i get scared. dun ask me why i am so pessimistic, i dunno and i hate myself for that. i hold back, i withdraw, or i even end it.

fear is my worst enemy, yet somehow i believe it is my guardian angel, who protect me. u see the irony? i just cant forget the past, esp all the hrt breaks and painful feeling. i can forget abt the events, the person, the situation but not the feelings. the shattering and stabbing of hrt, crying when sleeping, feeling useless. not easy to let go.

naive tinking, wishful tinkin, childish tinking.... wats new? retreatin into my world, sometimes give me short term consolation. realli. but den, reality hit at the door, and i cant stay. forced out into the real world.

used to be self torturous, i do mean self torture, changed better now. but still, ventin out all the anger and frus on myself seems to be the best way. not harmin other ppl arnd me, esp those close to me or i tink they are close to me. i cant read ppl's mind, i give them the benefit of doubt. okie, i may sound as if i am super great, but i am not. maybe that is the last bit of optimistism in me. going by Tao's tinking "human are good by nature".

maybe is just me that is stupid to believe in ppl, not be wary of them, but i cant bring myself to be like that.

committment phobia, i tink that is wat is happenin to me now. yet esp at this time, i keep on seein couples arnd me. damn, what did HE up there tryin to do? no offense taken. make me feel so fucking lonely, yet envious. damn. HE gave me someone who i committed into, yet HE took it away... no, i dun hate to the extreme, but i feel that it is a cruel joke played on me. what did i do wrong? okie, i noe, i didnt cherish him as much as i shld. i noe, my fault. stupid idiot me.

if HE wan me to be lonely all my life, den why did HE gave him to me in the first place? i tot i could conquer loneliness, until he came, and i loved him so much. and when he is gone, i realise i cant defeat loneliness. damn. i fucking hate myself to be such a weakling. why make me go thru all those pain? again and again. if it were meant to be a lesson, it shld hav be over, and i wun be here crying again. the hrt still ache, tinkin of him and the times we had. the feeling of someone there, lovin me as whu i am, not expecting much..... why did i not cherish him? why did i make all those decisions that eventually make him leave? i noe i shld dwell on it. but it is just that i still love him... wat the fuck is wrong with me?

i am a gal afterall, and i lose my pillar of support. and i can say it is not very fun. maybe not him as my pillar of support but he was the last pillar of support i had. he was the last one. till now, i cant find anor replacement for that. and it is not fun. i tried to shift that pillar onto myself, but i realised, i cant. coz i am alreadi lost. for the past 21yrs, i build pillar of support arnd me, i build my happiness on other's happiness. i tink of others before myself, watever i do, the initial person i tot was not me but others. i believe that if ppl are happi, i am happy. if i not happi, ppl still must be happi. stupid and naive tinking. i noe.

i am just stupid, idiot, useless....

Considered for a second about our love at {8/23/2005 04:20:00 AM} (0) comments
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Monday, August 22, 2005

Updates ....

okie peeps, i noe i haven been updating.... lets just say that i am lazy. haha.

lets see, the weekend past quite interesting..... haha......

went to Metro City on Sat night, yeap, with Janette, Shana, Jill, Aaron, Ash, Alex.... RnB club, good place to chill out, so .... haha..... me had a good time. haha... saw big "Santa" Chris there... haha..... came back at 5plus in the morning, well, i miss singapore efficient transport. haha....

anyway, woke up late on sunday, dropped by city to grab some meat, thanks to Janette, i got veggies and fruits from Subi. haha.

had sambal fried rice over at jill's place, and i tink i cant eat spicy stuff if i am back home, coz the tings here are not spicy...... haha.......

last nite, i was tinking abt myself, after all, sometimes, in the night, i start to feel lonely and lost.... kinda dunno where i am heading, or who i am.....

will be posting less, as i realli wanna tink thru things man, esp next week is study week, mean no school.... i will take that time to do my assignments, and to "meditate".... hopefully will be ableto put some light on the dark side of my mind....

Considered for a second about our love at {8/22/2005 09:03:00 PM} (0) comments
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Friday, August 19, 2005

Photos ....

there is a lot of photos taken, enjoy peeps. to make it easier, i will placed them under different headings....

Dinner at Hog's Breath Cafe

group photo L-R: Qing's bf, Wei Qing, Lester, Me, Carene, Delfina, Clarence

Me and the white Jacket...

Me and Carene, the organizer for the dinner.

the 21st candle and the slice of yummy choc cake.

me holding the key chain with my room keys.... haha.

Lester and Carene ....

Carene helpin me cut the corn, i feel like a queen man. haha....

Me and my birthday cake. yes that knife is a steak knife. haha.

i get super vain when i get tipsy. haha.

Natural Prime Ribs with Fries and Veges accompanied by mushroom sauce

close up on my choc bdae cake. haha.

sae hi to the shot given to me on empty stomach. of coz look at the shot glass. haha

the cup of Cosmo which i didnt realli manage to finish it. haha.

entrance of the Cafe

Me and the flowers. nice rite?

this is the finger food combo, left clockwise: Calamari, deep fried chix, skinned potato with bacons, spring rolls.

Waterford Tarvern

Nigel, Peggy and Me

Steph, Me and Jill

Arpita and me

Aaron and Adrian

Jarrad and Me

Talk to the Hand, courtesy of Adrian

Me and Kimmie

Please pardon the vulgar sign. supposed to be a grp photo, ended up i get kissed from both side, so fortunate. L-R: Steph, Me, Jill, Shana

King and Me

Janette, Me, John and Andrew

L-R: Adrian, Ahmad, Me, Denise, Ubhay (i hope i got the names rite)

L-R: Arpita, Heikal, Me, Suffain, Rafidah, Andrew

Janette, John and Jill (the 3 Js)

Rafidah, Me, Suffain and Heikal

L-R: Peggy, Me, Steph, Shana, Nigel

One of the Victim ....

yeap anor victim, haha.

At Jill's Place after Waterford

Me and Tigger, see my face. haha...

to prove that i am still okie, peace sign.

after one hr, still a peace sign. haha.

Steamboat at Jill's Place

Steamboat, yummy...

Me and Nigel

Making a wish. yeap....

My Cake upclose.... haha

Me and Steph ....

a.k.a "Mariah" haha.... kidding, she is realli good with housework sia.... haha

big grp photo, L-R: Kimmie, Peggy, Jill, Kristen, Nigel, Me, Aaron, Shana, Ash, Alex, Steph, Adrian, Tran

The four girls and my cake. haha.

Presents ....

White Coat ...

pressie collated from the day itself, still got la. but haben take photo yet

got this clock from back home. not a present, dun worry

Singapore colours? haha....

Flowers

The pouch that i got from my brother, hmmm.... nice? haha.

Considered for a second about our love at {8/19/2005 06:14:00 PM} (0) comments
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The Lover

About Me

Name : Sharon Phang a.k.a Stone

Birthdate : 17th August 1984

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